the value of surrender

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For almost two years, I have been a regular practictioner of Bikram Yoga.   That’s the hot, sweaty, hold your balancing and strength poses for what feels like a very long time, yoga.  The instructors call it “a 90 minute moving meditation.”  Every day of practice teaches me many valuable lessons.

One of the biggest lessons from my practice has been the value of surrender.  I am not a come by surrender naturally type of girl.    I generally feel the need to meet force with opposing force.  One of the yoga instructors emphasizes “effort with ease.”  This is not my usual M.O.  My mindset has tended to be if you meet resistance, will yourself to push harder; if you feel like quitting, suck it up; if you’re tired, tell yourself that you’re not… you get the picture.  This is the mindset that got me through running a marathon, several half marathons and a crazy 10K mudrun.  I can almost believe that this mindset served me well in those moments.  However, it becomes annoyingly difficult to operate in this mindset in a 110 degree humid room full of hot, sweaty bodies, where you’re sweating like you’ve never sweated before and pushing yourself to your mental and physical edge repeatedly, all at someone else’s prompts.  In that room, at some point, it’s all too much- all of the feedback from my mind and body- and it is in those moments that I just surrender, because there is nothing else I can do.  That is not to say that I leave the yoga room.  Instead, I stop thinking about how hot it is, how hard the poses are, how inflexible my body is, what tasks I have waiting for me after class, how this class compares to the last one that I did, etc. and I give in to the yoga.  I do not will my body to do the yoga, rather I accept that it can.  The chatter and feedback that are generally ever-present in my mind fade away.   In those moments I am fully present in my mind and body, but also fully accepting of the limitations and strengths of both.  And oddly enough, there is a certain, dare I say, bliss, in that surrender.  Because I just don’t care anymore, and with that lack of care comes an almost exhilarating freedom,  and that is perhaps why I keep going back for more.

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the truth in typos

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I seem to make many typos when composing email and texts on my iphone.  Some of them are funny and non-sensical while others actually speak the truth in ironic and prophetic (and sometimes pathetic) ways.

Today I was sending a text to thank a friend for a 21 day online mantra meditation that she turned me on to.  I was trying to send a text saying “thanks for the info on the meditation, I’m loving it.”  But instead it ended up being “thanks for the info on the meditation, I’m living it.”

This mantra journey is all about self-love, wholeness, and our oneness with the Divine and the Universe.  It’s one thing to sit down and do or listen to a specific 15 minute mantra meditation each day, it’s quite another to actually live that meditation each day, incorporating it wholly into how you relate to yourself and others.   And while I truly am loving these daily meditations, I can’t honestly say that I am fully living them; rather they feel more like one compartmentalized aspect of my day, which may or may not impact other compartmentalized aspects of my day.

Thinking about it, many times if we love something we should be living it, or living in our love for it.   For me, loving something can have a sort of passivity to it, almost like an admiration from afar; while living something requires action and intention. I can see how I’m much better at loving than living.  I’ll need to sit with that for a bit and decide what that means for me…

If you’re interested in the mantra meditation journey, here’s the link.

http://www.mentorschannel.com/DevaPremal/21-DayMantraMeditationJourney/LandingPage/